Impact

Just prior to turning three years old my oldest daughters behaviors started to take a turn for the worst. She began to challenge every direction that my husband and I gave her, she was intolerable of her sister and she broke any and every rule in order to get attention. I know we will go through periods of turmoil and adjustment as my children grow, which is understandable; however, it was the look that she gave to my husband and I as she was challenging us. The look as if she just out-witted us and the realization that she's in control of her own body. Time-out became pleasurable for her, taking toys away for negative behavior became a game of willpower and good old fashion guilt didn't even phase our three year old. We were at a complete loss but we knew we just had to keep riding out the storm. We knew that her negative behaviors couldn't last forever and thankfully they only lasted a couple of weeks. Yet, when you are in the middle of such rough waters it really does fee like eternity.

After experiencing this bought of defiance many people began to warn us that the third year is much rougher than the second; however, I have grown to love this stage of my daughters life. She is more aware of how her behaviors affect the people around her and she strives to make others happy. I guess guilt did work after all. Just recently I found her comforting her younger sister when she was upset. She would hug her, tell her she loved her, stroke her arm and say "it's okay" over and over again. It's beautiful to see your children being so tender and nurturing to one another. It is then that one realized that they really have done something right in raising their children.

One of the most generous signs of compassion came from my three year old last week. We had returned from a fun afternoon of play at an indoor gym when I realized I had lost ten dollars. I was disappointed in the loss and expressed my concern out loud, in front of my daughter. She responded "it's okay mom." I tried to explain that it wasn't really bad but it wasn't good either to lose the money. After our conversation she walked downstairs to the family room where her toy cash register sits while saying "I'm going to get you money." I was astonished when she returned with real coin money. I forgot this is also the room we keep our extra change for our savings. Sweetly handing me the money she said, "Here's some money mom. Does this make you feel better." I almost wept at her sincere gesture of love. She was so tender, naive and genuine. Her sincerity was overpowering. There will be times in my life that I will be challenged by my children, probably more than I would like to think of, but it is times like these that make those times seem minuscule.

Our children will challenge us every day of our lives in one way or another. We will lose our sanity from time to time and it's perfectly natural. We will run out of toys to take away, run out of hair to be pulled and run out of wine to drink in dealing with our families. But then you have your golden moments when your angels realize that what they do really does impact others and they want that impact to be good. Love your children, no matter what and let them know this. Tell them you love them in the good times but especially in the bad times. Don't be afraid to let them know how they impact you. First they affect you and then it's the world. What a positive change this little person can have on society.