I Didn't Always Look This Motherly

Why not post two in one day. Right?

This is another short essay I wrote awhile back. It's one of my favorites. It's great to get a good laugh, even if it is at yourself.

There is no mistaking the look of a mother. You can walk out of the house looking stunning, if you’re even able to get that far, but as soon as you step foot back into your house, into the world of motherhood everything changes. Your hair immediately falls flat and turns gray, your clothes have some kind of permanent stain on them in which you wonder if it’s been there all day, the make-up you applied earlier to look presentable now makes you look like Alice Cooper; which would be okay if you were a male rock-star who was able to unleash his frustrations on stage to a chorus of a thousand screaming fans who paid good money to see you thrashing around. Instead it’s your family whose tuning into the same daily madness and wondering what is wrong with this woman. Somehow you go from zero to sixty in seconds; unfortunately it’s in the wrong direction.

Once in a great while we all try to look good without looking so ‘motherly’ all the time. We actually do our hair in something other than a ponytail, we wear nice clothes instead of old outdated jeans and aerobics outfits, we put on good jewelry, not the stuff that comes with our daughters dress up kit but real gems, and we even put on a little lipstick. After a two hour process of dressing up, approximately 15 minutes later there is something on our clothes or in our hair. We’ve lost one of our best pair of earrings and praying to God that our child did not swallow it when he was tugging at them. And we find out that our lipstick is no longer on our lips but coated to the front of our teeth.

We would love to blame our children for our deteriorating looks, and much of the time it is their innocent faults; however, in the battle for beauty, we are equally to blame. If our children do not get something on us within a certain time frame something in our brains is triggered and we automatically lose control of our bodies and begin to use ourselves as a human canvas. It may be oil on a new shirt while cooking, the permanent marker we took from our child earlier while they were coloring their siblings face, blood on your khaki pants from shaving your legs for the first time in weeks, or red wine on your white shirt while dining out with your spouse. This is why we seldom attempt to wear anything more than pleated jeans, sweatshirts, and workout clothes, even if we have no intention of doing anything more than chasing our children around the confines of our house.

It is only through Oprah that I have discovered the misery of my ways. I did not know that what I was wearing is wrong because everyone else I came into contact with during the day looks just like I do, comfortable. Oprah taught me that bras are not only labeled A, B, or C for those of us who are sporty, but they also have numbers like 34, 36, or 38. I learned that ‘timeless’ looks are usually withered and blue eyeshadow is back in. Was it ever really out?

With my new enthusiasm to look stylish I headed out to the malls. I was going to buy the perfect jean, a real bra, and an age appropriate fitted sweater; but, after seeing the prices and being more confused by the styles and how clothes worked together I opted for a pair of Crocks. Their comfortable, timeless and I’m sure they will make Oprah’s next style show.

I may not always, or ever, dress like the experts recommend but my daughters are always in the latest styles, according to Target. I am constantly consumed by guilt when I want to spend money on myself. In order to fulfilling my shopping need I end up buying for my children. I splurge, no more than $15 an outfit, so they look nice. As I see it, these clothes are eternal and will be passed on to our future children. Luckily pink is no longer just a female color, I learned that from Oprah too. Our boys will look lovely.

Several years ago I lost a significant amount of weight, prior to marriage and children, and I kept many of my heavier clothes for “maternity wear”. I wish Oprah would have covered the style topic then. Little did I realize how outdated those clothes would be when I did become pregnant and no one had the heart to tell me that 50 pounds of fat is not the same as 50 pounds of pregnancy. Pregnancy weight is centralized to your stomach, breasts, ankles and face, not spread throughout your body. I did not wear these clothes during pregnancy and I could not wear them even after pregnancy. It was not the outdated part that deterred me from wearing these clothes; it was the fact that my body changed so much after having a baby that I was forced to wear maternity clothes for 2 months post giving birth to my first daughter. These were difficult lessons to learn. The baby does not weigh 50 lbs, most of that was what I ingested; and, you do not get your body back immediately after giving birth, nor six to eight weeks later. In fact, you will never look the same as you once did.

After having my first two children I needed to buy an entire new mommy wardrobe even when I was back at my pre-pregnancy weight. There was a great deal of shifting done after having two c-sections. There was also a great deal of finances a second child required. I then found myself reverted back to buying my ageless spandex aerobics pants, long and short sleeve multi-purpose t-shirts which could be worn with jeans, shorts or to work out, and a beautiful off white sweater that I described to my husband as “I had something exactly like this in high school that I loved.” I don’t think he was impressed by my explanation.

It’s not only our clothing that makes us look motherly, it’s our hairstyles. I am always amazed by moms that have a little flounce and bounce to their hair. Maybe I’m just seeing them after they have just left the stylist. Nevertheless, it is still impressive to watch someone shopping in the store carrying screaming children under their arms with great hair, even when they are in their workout gear.

Along with my clothes I also have an enduring hairstyle. Every four to six months I leave the hairdresser with my new cut and highlights feeling wonderful. I’m always so happy with my new shorter style. I feel so daring that I have done something different until I look at old pictures from 10 years ago and I realize I have had the same cut for 10 years. The only difference has been the length of my hair. Since I do not make it to the hairdresser as often as I should it always feels like a new and modern style, blond highlights, the cut just below the shoulders, frame around my face, and very long layers.

My last trip to the hairdresser I decided to finally change it up for good. I looked through several magazines while my highlights were setting, that part I couldn't bear to change, and I picked several pictures that were all pretty similar. Having a new stylist who was unfamiliar with my four to six month beauty regimen, she was very excited to partake in the ‘big change’. Apparently I was cutting approximately four inches off my hair. Once again I left there feeling ignited, ready to show off my new look; that was until I went home. I looked at pictures from a trip my husband I took 4 years prior to the ‘big change’ and I realized, once again I resorted back to my old ways. I had blond highlights, a cut just below my shoulders, hair framed around my face, and very long layers. After looking back on this I’m not sure why I was so upset about my husband not noticing the change right away since I do get this new look about every six months.